I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
