...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
