neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
