Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
