Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
