why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
