You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
