Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
