just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize