I wish my penis had an off switch
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
