is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
