Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
