Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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