Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
