i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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