I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
