Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
