she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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