dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
