my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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