Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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