I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize