The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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