We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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