i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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