Just fell off a train. Bad.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
