haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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