awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
