dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
