I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
