you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
