I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
