I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
