i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
