Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
