My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My vagina is officially offended.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
