are you so shy because you have an std?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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