Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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