I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize