I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just cropdusted the office
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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