Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
