oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
