all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
