I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
