I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
