whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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