You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The power of my boobs compel you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize