someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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