I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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