Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
worst night to have a conscience
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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