my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
