Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize