Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
