i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
