My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
