No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My orgasm happened in two different decades
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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