Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
