Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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