I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
