Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize