Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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