Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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