community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
