It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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