Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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