in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize